Communication skills

The Four Horsemen worksheet

Recognize criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling and practice healthier alternatives during conflict.

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Purpose

What this handout is designed to support.

This relationship handout helps partners name recurring conflict patterns without turning the pattern into another accusation.

How to use it

  • Read the descriptions together outside an active argument
  • Identify the pattern you are most likely to use
  • Choose one antidote and one repair statement to practice
  • Return to difficult conversations after physiological arousal has settled

Related counseling information

Connect the worksheet to a larger plan.

Worksheets are most useful when they support a clear goal and are adapted to the person using them.

Couples and family counseling

Clinical review: Travis McKie-Voerste, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS · Reviewed August 4, 2026